What Role Do You Play in Your Relationships?

Before reading this article, I recommend watching the video below:

In her relationships with those around her, Ina was an ambitious, intelligent, and strong person, guiding others with the occasional well-placed word, because otherwise she didn't really know how to show her love for people. Many times she wanted to tell them how much she appreciated them, but the words wouldn't come out. Sometimes she'd let slip a barbed remark that only stung others, just so they wouldn't feel superior to her or see her as weak and easily influenced.

In truth, that's exactly what she wanted to hide from others — she was afraid people would take advantage of her, the way they had in the past, when she didn't trust her own judgment and intuition and let herself be influenced by this person or that. She did this to be liked and accepted, which in turn drew in exactly the people who took advantage of her naivety and kindness. Almost every time, she ended up disappointed, closing herself off more and more. She no longer had the courage to show her soul as it truly was, so she'd chosen a bland mask instead.

Very few people ever made it to her heart, and even those who did had to pass through several trials first — a kind of trust tests.

More than once she felt alone, felt that no one understood her, had moments of going unnoticed. Even in groups, she struggled to make herself heard, growing irritated with those around her and finding fault in them for failing to understand her, to listen to her. She preferred to retreat into her shell, where it felt comfortable, at least for the moment.

Until, one day, a person appeared in her life who resembled her almost perfectly: in gestures, in ways of thinking, in aspirations, and even in physical traits.

In that moment, she could no longer resist the temptation, and she began to open up, to show her soul as it truly was. He became almost an extension of her, and she'd often even get irritated when he thought differently.

She no longer wanted that image to change — he had to be in her own image and likeness; she couldn't conceive of it any other way, couldn't understand how others could think differently.

She went so far as to push away nearly everyone who didn't resemble her; she had no friends left and grew lonelier by the day. Sometimes she'd wonder why she didn't have many friends, but the thought would quickly pass, and she'd console herself with the idea that it was fine this way.

Those around her saw her as reserved and docile; they didn't ask too many questions about her. She managed to make herself small and unseen, and when she did get angry, it was as if everything unexpressed until then came pouring out all at once, leaving others baffled, wondering, "who is this creature?"

One day the globe shattered, and the image she had of the world and of relationships scattered into a thousand pieces. She tried to glue them back together, but she could no longer make it whole again. At the same time, it felt as though her heart, too, was coming apart — at first she thought it was the suffering that hurt so much. She then realized that, in fact, the walls around her soul had begun to crumble — walls she had locked with so many bolts to protect it, like a careful parent.

She had nothing left to say, no longer knew what to do — her entire universe had shifted instantly. She simply watched what was happening to her and hoped no one would say anything.

A new Ina was being born, with tears, with smiles, and with life. Yes, she was alive, and when someone asked her who she was and what had happened to make her so full of life, she'd say, with a smile on her lips: "I shed my skin, the way a snake does to allow itself to grow, and I let go of what wasn't good for me."

She still thought of the old Ina from time to time and let her out here and there, until she grew used to the new life, the new world being born along with her soul. In fact, people seemed to gather around her now, the way moths gather toward a light.

We often choose to settle into certain situations and relationships even when we sense something is wrong, even when we have plenty of grievances, believing that if we sweep the mess under the rug, it will never come out from under there.

Fortunately, every crisis moment in our lives comes to show us where we're going wrong, which direction we need to head in, and what we need to change about ourselves and our lives.

If you've been through moments like these, you surely know what I mean, and if you look back now, you can clearly see that you needed that crisis.

If you're going through such a moment right now, I can tell you that it will pass — but how it passes depends on you. Look for the lesson that comes with this crisis, and think about what kind of person you want to be going forward.

I'm curious what difficult moments you've been through, and what lessons you've learned from them.

With a warm hug,

Raluca