How to Create Positive Relationships in Your Life

Have you ever wondered why you have a positive relationship with some people, while you're constantly in conflict with others?

In most cases, you probably chalk it up to incompatibility, or to the other person clearly being in the wrong somewhere. There's nothing wrong with that. You might be right, you might not be — but when was the last time you asked yourself:

"How did I contribute to the conflict in this relationship?"

Before we go on, I want to reassure you that the purpose of this article isn't to point fingers at who's to blame, but rather to look at every angle and aspect when it comes to our relationships with the people around us.
Personally, I consider the relationships and the network of people around me one of the most valuable resources in my life, and I say that because we need each other in order to grow and to have a balanced life. We are, after all, built as social beings.

I like to look at things somewhat systemically. Just as the neurons in our brain can't function on their own — they only become a functional system once they form connections (synapses) with other neurons and work as a network — we, too, as human beings, can't function without other people to form bonds, connections, and relationships with.

To see this for yourself, just look around: whether you're going to work, to school, to the market, or doing any other activity, you meet people at every turn, and with each one you form some kind of relationship, however brief or lasting.

See here: Why It's Important to Have Positive Relationships.

I often see people who are frustrated at home or at work and take it out on the supermarket cashier or the woman behind the fresh produce counter. It's as if they're just waiting to find someone — ideally somewhere they're the customer — to unload all their frustrations on.

They forget that by doing this, they're setting a precedent, and they'll go on treating others the same way. More often than not, these are the very same people who complain about their overbearing bosses — but how are they any different, if they treat others with the same lack of respect?

The saying really is true: "treat others the way you want to be treated." You can't expect others to treat you with compassion and respect if you don't see them as your equals.

The reverse doesn't work either: if you see yourself as inferior to others, all you'll do is attract people who confirm that belief and take even greater advantage of you.

I've been on both sides, and there are still moments when I don't see myself as equal to others, but I keep working on it constantly. Awareness alone isn't enough to change a behavior learned over years — it takes ongoing effort and patience.

If you want to actively work on your relationships with the people around you, I have a resource for you with an exercise that takes about half an hour: "The Circle of Relationships," where you'll get the chance to discover how you influence your relationships with others, and how you're affected by the relationships in your life. Essentially, you'll see what role and position you hold with the people close to you.

For me, it was one of the most revealing exercises I've ever done. It's also one of the most appreciated tools I use in my coaching sessions.

Get ready for a lot of insights. You'll be able to see, in black and white, exactly what's happening in the relationships in your life.

I'd suggest following each step of the exercise closely, so you get its true value.

All you have to do is enter your email in the box below and download the PDF.

For any questions, or if you'd like us to work together, I'm here for you.

All the best,
Raluca