The Quality of Your Life Is Shaped by the Quality of Your Relationships

Given that in this age of technology we're so connected on social media and so much less connected in real life, we could say we're slowly but surely heading toward a society that isolates us, manipulates us, and manufactures needs in us just to get us to buy and consume. We're bombarded daily with scandals, incitement to aggression, and the fight for power.

The more problems you have, the more you buy: products, services, experiences, and so on.

Beyond the photos where you "look" happy, who are you really?

After that selfie where it "looks" like you're living a wonderful, fulfilled life, how do you actually treat the people around you?

Your partner?

Your children?

Who are you, in your own life?

Why do you do what you do every single day?

Try to answer the questions above before reading on.

Humans are social beings and cannot grow personally or spiritually in isolation. We need connection. And I don't just mean romantic relationships, but also the extended family made up of friends and the people close to your heart.

Imagine the following:

What would your life be like if you had better relationships with the people around you?

From the morning commute all the way to when you get home in the evening?

If you knew that everyone around you had only good intentions, and would support you whenever you needed it?

And what about the society we live in? What would it be like?

I'll leave you to do this exercise of imagination. I did it myself, and that's how I came to write these lines.

Starting from our relationships with the people around us and moving to romantic relationships, in modern culture, where the very idea of lasting commitment to a partner sounds old-fashioned, a question comes up:

"Is it even worth trying to work on this relationship? Eh, someone better and better-looking will come along."

Ironically, many people today view divorce as an opportunity for personal growth. This obviously doesn't apply to cases of abuse or addiction.

In Romania in 2016, the number of marriages rose by 6.2%, while the number of divorces rose by 15.9% compared to the previous year — yet the number of happy, fulfilled people didn't grow; on the contrary, more and more people need psychological counseling.

Those who instantly choose the seemingly easier path of separation and divorce forget that growth happens inside a relationship. Lasting relationships, where a climate of safety and trust is built, help partners grow and work through their unconscious issues and childhood wounds.

Let's take this example: you're in a relationship where things aren't all rosy, and conflicts keep piling up. How much does that drain your energy? Can you still focus on your career or other things?

Or you're single, looking for a partner. Where is most of your energy and focus going?

Or you're going through a breakup right now… and the list could go on.

Often, once you're in a relationship, you start taking everything for granted and stop being willing to work on it — to spend time and energy checking in on how it's doing, to surprise your partner for no particular reason, to have the time and patience to listen to them talk about their dreams and achievements.

Somehow, you lose interest in winning them over every single day.

I've been there too, when I believed everything was owed to me and that I didn't need to make any effort anymore, because hadn't I already "won" them?

Well, that's not how it works. It might hold up for a while, but it can't last forever.

For a healthy relationship to exist, it takes two people willing to work on it.

When I was in unhappy relationships, I spent all my energy on arguments, misunderstandings, and projecting onto the other person, and I had no energy left to think about anything constructive for myself or for the relationship.

But ever since I've been in a healthy relationship, my life has improved significantly, in every way and on every level.

I see the other person as part of my team, someone who isn't trying to sabotage me but is there with me at every step, inspiring me day after day to be the best version of myself.

To close, I'll ask you: does the quality of your relationships reflect the quality of your life?

What's your vision of a conscious relationship?

With love,

Ralu