The Life Within the Crack of Pain

My hands feel heavy, barely typing out things that want to be said and yet remain unsaid. I think, in vain, of the days that once were, because I cannot go back.

No, there's no point.

My life is happening here and now, with all its challenges. Maybe I want to go back and relive what once was, in a moment of sweet pain and bitter ecstasy. How can a person feel both love and pain at the same time?

You must be a strong person to let yourself pass from one extreme to the other, to throw yourself into the storm, and even without knowing why, to feel that this is how it must be.

I wish I could be that person again — strong and open to everything that happens to them, who sees beyond what is visible and who feels even without knowing.

Many who see me are amazed: how can you be like this, my dear? Doesn't it hurt? Don't you suffer?

Even though I suffer, I'd rather feel, be alive, than be shut away forever in a small black box with narrow walls.

I touched my soul, but what even is a soul?

I can't put it into words, but I know how it feels: that living flame in the heart that grows with exponential force, pouring out in waves, embracing both flowers and barren ground alike, giving life to stones and loving everything that is, just as it is.

It isn't me then, it's her — the life that wants to break through the crack of pain, letting in the light that fills the gaps left behind while building the walls of defense.

What meaning do all these imagined follies hold now? Why stay still when you can let people into your soul and your life?

Oh, pain,

What do you do with it?

Or rather, what does it do?

It's a wise teacher who comes to show you, pressing a finger on the wound, drawing out everything impure in you, so the wound can dry in the clean, fresh air of spring.

So, dear human, don't be afraid to hurt,

Keep your heart open and your mind lit, as you once were;

Remember who you are, and you'll know what to do with the thought that gives you no peace,

Step by step you will make your way, toward yourself and your own light

And now I leave you,

Flying toward other shores

Don't forget, you too have honeycombs

Waiting to be filled with the honey of love

If you're asleep, feeling my dream

Take my hand and wake up,

Wake up to life!

I'll be waiting for you tomorrow too, in the same café, with the same sweet words and biscuits glazed with burnt sugar.

Sending you a hug,

Ralu