Can You Still Carry All That Baggage?

Stop, stop right now whatever you're doing: thinking, planning, counting, or anything else.

Give yourself a few moments. You've more than earned them.

Who and what do you think contributed most to making you who you are today? Try to answer this question whether or not you feel your life is fulfilled.

Your thoughts, decisions, and behaviors — where and from whom did you learn them?

Who smiles the way you do?

Who curses and loses their temper the way you do?

Who has stopped trusting other people and themselves, just like you?

From whom did you learn that life is hard and that success isn't for you?

Who are you trying to prove yourself to as the perfect child?

Pause on just one thing you do. I'd suggest picking a negative behavior, or one that's uncomfortable for you today.

Since you've read this far, it's worth going all the way to the end.

Trust me!

Trust yourself!

Now, remember the first time you behaved that way, and who you learned it from.

For example: you know that when you argue with others and want to impose your point of view, you feel drained afterward, and others see you as argumentative and aggressive. And yet you can't stop yourself once you're swept up in it.

What do you think makes you react that way?

What's your relationship with the person you learned it from? Do you remember them fondly? Poorly? Or both?

I came across a quote the other day that went something like this:

"Pain travels through generations until someone chooses to feel it" – Stephi Wagner

Most of our behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs were picked up from family members or from someone who resembles them.

That negative behavior you copied from one of your parents or from a parental figure (someone who cared for you during childhood or adolescence) — the one you probably dislike in them and think isn't quite the same in you — they, in turn, picked it up from someone else.

And now I ask you: can you still carry all that useless baggage? What do you want to pass on to your own children?

Because they won't learn what you tell them — they'll copy what you do and how you do it.

It may feel hard to go back to unpleasant, painful situations from the past. But if you still carry negative feelings when you think of those people or events, I encourage you to gather your courage and take a step toward closing that unfinished business.

Until you do, you'll keep recreating similar situations, running along the same tracks like a tram, with no real chance of reaching where you truly want to go. Or maybe you don't even believe it's possible to get there, so it's easier to close your eyes and tell yourself you're fine — and if something isn't working, it must be the fault of those around you, or the country you live in, and so on.

As the quote says, it often hurts like hell to go back and feel that pain again.

You're afraid, but you're forgetting one thing: you are no longer that person from back then — you're now a grown ADULT with many skills, and you can always turn to a specialist to help guide you in healing old wounds. It's your choice whether you free yourself from all the limitations and constraints keeping you from truly living at your full potential today.

So what do you choose: to stay in the zone you know — in the past, in fantasies about the future — or to choose to live in the present? And what does that present look like for you?

What's the story you tell yourself every time you take another step back into your comfort zone?

In closing, I'll leave you with a quote dear to my heart:

"In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or back into safety" – Abraham Maslow

Sending you a hug,

Ralu